I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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