i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
