I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
