this beer tastes like vomit already
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
