does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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