I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize