I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
