so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
