is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
