so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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