I think i peed on brittanys purse
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
