I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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