Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I FOUND THE LEGS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
