wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Alive.
So much puke
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
