We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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