Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
