tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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