can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
