You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
