Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
