there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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