you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
