I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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