Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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