When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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