wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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