Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize