we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
