You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
