and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
