Come see our sink grown plant.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
