there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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