I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
