I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
