hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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