OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
