Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
