And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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