Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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