I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize