The brown eye won't let me do that either.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
