You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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