Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
