I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize