Me too!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
