I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
