I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
