Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
