the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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