Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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