Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
