She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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