You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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