Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
