i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
