Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
