just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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