that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Let's get the cat blown out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
