ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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