Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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