Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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