We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
