The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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