I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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