their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
