When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
