So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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