that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
