he shaved USA in his pubs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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